True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
