My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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