nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
