I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize