Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize