WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we're making bets on your personal life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
