Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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