I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
