Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
