hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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