is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i drank out of a bidet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drake has all the answers
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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