it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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