my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
