it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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