I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
