Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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