he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
