just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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