Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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