She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
