it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They are going to name an STD after you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
