Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
