life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
