the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
