i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
