Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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