Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize