the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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