I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
