Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
