why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
