I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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