How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
