At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
zippers are such a cool invention
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
