Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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