I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
