I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
