FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
