you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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