holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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