'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
