I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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