you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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