I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
