My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
