he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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