hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
