What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
