I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Holy sore nipples Batman
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
