U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
