you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
as a side note pls kill me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
