I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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