i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize