Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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