omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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