never play flip cup with pint glasses
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
