We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
