oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize