you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
