I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
