Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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