My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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