his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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