How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
time to smoke my breakfast
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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