i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize