dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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